You can spend all day on one thing or one day on everything. Either way something is going to be fucked up at the end of the proverbial date.
My grandmother is really ill, and lately I've felt horrible about it. The temptation in this post is to analyze it and try and make a coherent storyline post about it but I just can't.
I've spent so much time during the years after school trying to make some headway in my fight against whatever beast I'm currently absorbed with. But nothing has made a dent. Mostly I'm left with the bitter ashes of regret and a sense that the harder I fight the worse my personal life will get.
I talked to my man, 100 grand, about it and he reminded me of an earlier experience... see? Retreated right back into my typical mode. But I'm not ducking, so I'll go ahead and tell the story.
Bob Moses, legend of the civil rights movement, came to our university. He was, in no small way, like a tiny beacon of light for me and others. I was really excited to hear him talk. Through a series of accidents and miscommunications, my man 100 grand and I ended up driving him to the airport. Needless to say, it was an honor.
On the way back I asked him how he accomplished balancing his personal life (i.e. actually having one) and his organizing life (SNCC, Freedom Summer, etc.) and his response was that basically he didn't know how to do that. It seemed, according to Bob, that he was just one of many on the board with SNCC. Sure, he was a powerful guy and people listened to him... but at home he's loved and missed. His relationships suffered because of his organizing, and in the end he's been through a divorce.
Looking back, I realize that what he was REALLY telling me was that if I wanted something other than a gang of angry relatives, I needed to work at it. I have to find a way for everyone, as impossible as it seems.
Monday, January 16, 2006
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1 comments:
I can offer you another perspective -
Malcolm X made it clear, in no uncertain terms, what his values were to his family when he came out of prison. The family wanted him to come live with them, but he knew that he had to stay on and become a proper muslim - then everything fell into place. Life will fall into place, you just have to let it and keep your eyes open. You've met women who would have gladly upheld the organizer lifestyle, and even if you only get to see that special person once every few weeks, they'll be there in spirit (and over the phone). What I am saying is, and what I have learned in my life, is that you can't neglect anything, or it will be a disease-ridden part of your life. If you neglect your health, you die sooner. If you neglect yourself, you don't grow or become happy. If you neglect your family and love life, you end up lonely. There is a way to manage it all, and you will find it once you hit that zen that some people spend their entire lives finding. BUt you're not just anyone - I am more than confidant in your ability to juggle love and revolution - because a revolutionary gets awful cold when he stops to take a breath - you need that warm body to cook you grits and keep you warm at night.
Jake
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